the official joke thread

[K-dawG]

this is where you post all off your really funny jokes wether they are knock knock jokes or just plain stupid ones post them here in this thread to start the thread here are a few jokes:

why did the hedgehog cross the road?
to see his flat mate

why did the chicken cross the road?
it was the only way away from KFC

three men go hunting an english man, an irish man, an and the scottish man comes back with a big deer on his back the other two ask how he got it he said he followed tracks took aim and BAM he shot it then the irish man comes back and he has a big bear on his back the other two ask how he got it he said I folloed the tracks took aim and BAM I shot it then the english man comes back he has cuts and bruises every where the other two say how did you do that, then he says well I followed the tracks took aim and BAM I got hit by the train. :eek:

[Fabi]

I can't laugh so much about this...
I think there is a little difference between British and German humour.

By the way... I don't know KFC.
I only read this at some shops in UK.

[Conan Edogawa]

Oh, funny classical American joke, not so funny no more. KFC is the chicken fast food restaurant in US. That was the only joke I think is still hillarious.

[corral]

i like the train one..

[K-dawG]

well just want to try and get this thread back up

[King toad]

This one is tottaly stolen from Monty Python =)

Ze British way of finding Spies.

._......_......_
|.|....|.|....|.|
Here we have 3 bushes. A Spy is hiding in one, do you know which. Of course you don't. Let's find out!

/\
\/
/\....._......_
\/....|.|....|.|
KABOOM!

............../\
..............\/
......._...../\
......|.|....\/
..............KABOOM!

....../\
......\/
....../\
......\/ARGH!
....KABOOM!





It was ze middle one.

[Cookie Monster]

I got one:




A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter.
She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

"Magic Beer", he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after
that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the
bar and says,

"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"

"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,
flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the
building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to
the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says,
"You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk!"

[King toad]

I cannot get over that joke XD.

[K-dawG]

lol yeah that ones really funny heres another

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."

The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

[King toad]

Here is a GREAT Blonde Joke!

http://forums.keenspot.com/viewtopic.php?t=84014

[K-dawG]

thats just annoying it just web pages goin on for ages

[Scary Fan Girl]

Okay, I know one! Yay!

Okay, so, this ejecutive returns to his ranch after two or three weeks of absence, and he innocently asks the guy who was left in charge, "Anything new?"

"Umm, no sir, nothing new...oh! Wait, your parrot died."

"Huh? Why?"

"We took the cage out, and your horse ate it. Everything else is the same, same."

"What in the world was MY horse doing around here, anyway?"

"He was carrying two buckets with water. Everything else is the same, same."

The ejecutive was confused, angry, and whatever else you can imagine, "Why was he carrying water?"

The frustrated guy answered: "Your white house was burning. But everything else is the same, same."

This shoked the ejecutive. "Why?"

"A candle burnt the curtains. But everything else is the same, same."

"But the white house has electricity, why a candle?"

"It was a funeral. But everything else is the same, same."

"Who's funeral?"

"Your sister's funeral. But everything else is the same, same."

"What happened to my sister?"

"She fell to the river, and, someone found her dead body. But everything's the same, same."

"Why was my sister near the river?"

"'Cuz she went to the hospital, to pick your AIDS test, which was positive. But everything's the same, same."

With that, the poor ejecutive died of a heart attack. And the other guy thought: Umm, I should have never told him about the parrot!
---

I knwo, it's lame, but... meh.

[Tracy]

Thats cool, sounds kinda sad though, its funny when that one guy keeps saying same.

[K-dawG]

Well it isn't really a joke but I'll say it any way I got it off my mate.

Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmellow and when I woke up my pillow was gone!

[Scary Fan Girl]

Thats cool, sounds kinda sad though, its funny when that one guy keeps saying same.

e_e You don't understand mexican sense of humor...

[newsjokes77]

Hello

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"

---

Your mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles the cars start to slow down.

---


Yo mama is so dumb that she was on her way to the airport and saw a sign that said “airport left.” So she turned around and went home.

---

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he has lived all his life and into a real forest. Since he lived in the magical forest he has magical powers. He sees a bear chasing a rabbit and thinks to himself, this isn't right, everyone should live in peace. So he stops the bear and rabbit and tells them that if they stop chasing each other he'll give them both three wishes.
The bear thinks for a second and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the forest were female. Poof, all of them are female. Next the rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. The bear looks at the rabbit wondering why he would want a crash helmet.

The bear thinks for a second making sure he makes a good second wish and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the country were female. Again -- poof -- all the rest became female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Now the bear steps back and looks at the rabbit in amazment. How dumb is this rabbit he thinks to himself. All he had to do was wish for money and he could buy all the motorcycles he ever wanted. This has to be the dumbest creature the bear has ever seen, he thinks to himself.

It is time for the bear's final wish and he takes a second to think and makes sure he doesn't waste it. After a minute he wishes that all the other bears in the whole world were female. And again poof they are all female.

Next the rabbit puts on his helmet and jumps on the bike. He turns around and smiles. Then he says, ''I wish that that bear is gay.''

---

Be happy ;)


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[Scary Fan Girl]

Ohhhhh. I have a few~ ^_^

--

In Mexico the green light means: go. The green light about to turn to yellow means: go faster. The yellow light means: go even faster. And red means: TRY to stop.
--

why did the chicken crossed the highway?

Either it liked extreme sports or there was a Pollo Loco in the other side. XD

--

what do Mexican taxi drivers call the bumps in the road? . . . An olympic event.

Mexican humor, ftw. ^_^

[Annatar]

Here's one. It's okay:

A boy shows his father his report card. On the card, the grade is a 0.

"Why do you have a 0?!" The father angrily asks the boy. The boy replied:

"Becuase the teacher ran out of stars and had to put a moon on my card."

:-_-:

[Mimori Kiryu]

I have one~

A little boy walked into his house and found his grandmother. "Grandma, what does it mean when two people sleep in the same bed, one on top of the other?"

Not wanting to lie to the little boy, the grandmother blantly told him. "That's called sexual intercourse, honey."

"Okay, thanks, grandma." the little boy replied, walking back outside. Several hours later, he came back inside. The grandmother went to greet him and saw that he was really mad.

"What's wrong, honey?" she questioned.

"One thing. It's called bunk beds, not sexual intercourse and Jimmy's mother wants to talk to you." he simply replied, walking back to his room.

Whee~

[Annatar]

Why did the dog cross the road?

Because he wanted to prove he wasn't chicken.

(Pretty lame.:XD: )

[SBJ95]

I got this one out of a magazine:

Two monsters are at a party. One of the monsters says to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me, what should i do???" The other one says, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

A little stupid, I know, but funny all the same.