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Topaz_Mew
04-16-2007, 08:10 AM
ok please dont be to harsh when critisizing but post what I need to improve on
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Dreaming just dreaming a dream that may never end....

Introduction

Kafuinu is a young female Espeon. She has a purple coat like all Espeons but in the

moonlight its shimmering like the stars. Her tail is slit like a V at the end and instead

of a ruby colored on her forhead it was a wierd Gold and Black colored gem. Her ears

were tall standing up straight with fluffs at the ends. Kafuinu`s eyes were a dark blue

that seemed to sparkle in the moonlight. Kafuinu has a scar on her left eye. You see

there was once a clan of Espeons and Umbreons. She was an exile but why no one knows.

She left the clan the night before it was demolished by a group of rouge Ninetails and

Arcanine. Kafuinu sighed as she gazed at the full moon.

"Just dreaming endlessly" She spoke under her breathe.

Kafuinu was always talking like this since she was a young Eevee. Nobody can understand

what she means. Atop a hill above the clouds with the moon in full veiw Kafuinu

sat staring down at the town below her.

"The lights are off in Goldenrod City guess I should be heading off now."Kafuinu would

always stay in one town and the same night would leave.

"Searching and dreaming," Kafuinu spoke again under her breathe,"just dreaming"

Kipp
04-16-2007, 03:57 PM
Is this a loooong story or are other people going to continue it???:p :D

Topaz_Mew
04-16-2007, 10:53 PM
huh?

Arielle
04-17-2007, 06:37 PM
Plot seems okay to me. It sounds interesting, at least. (I'm feeling a bit lazy today.)

Grammatical error:

Kafuinu has a scar on her left eye you see there was once a clan of Espeons and Umbreons.

There should be some sort of punctuation after eye, otherwise you have a run-on sentence. A semicolon (;) or starting a new sentence will fix it.

Keep it up.

Topaz_Mew
04-21-2007, 08:07 AM
oops yeah I forgot to fix that