Hoennshipping Fanfic by: Hoennshipper

[hoennshipper]

this is my 1st fanfic ever. i hope you enjoy this 1st chapter even though i think it's not all that. i always update!!

Chapter 1…
My old friend…

Brendan kicked the dust on the pavement he was walking on. The sky turned into a reddish orange…signaling the sunset. He sighed as another day was wasted on hard thought and extreme boredom. Brendan shoved his hands in his pockets and walked home sadly. He looked at the sky and remembered his old friend, May. They used to watch the sun set all the time. He remembered the way they used to play around a lot…the way they used to go around the town riding wagons and bikes…
How he missed how they used to be together all the time…they were best friends anyway, so why shouldn’t they be together all the time? Well, actually…May was his first friend…and she was the best one. She was smart, she cared so much, she was a great Pokemon Trainer…she was a motivation for Brendan. He wanted to impress her by making it to the Pokemon League. He did make it. He even beat the champion…which technically made him the champion now…but he hasn’t seen May yet…not since he competed. He remembered that he faced May in the League too…but she came in second. He wasn’t sure if May was mad at him or not. If she was, he would be crushed.

Brendan opened the door to his house with the key he took from his pocket. His mom wasn’t home yet. She was still out at the grocery store. Brendan went to the kitchen to grab a soda from the fridge and he sat comfortably on the couch. He took the TV remote from the table and switched open the TV. It was on the station Mtv. Brendan looked at the show. It didn’t seem to interest him. Until they said one particular name that melted in Brendan’s ears…

“Welcoming our guest star, May Birch. The newest addition to our singer’s family…!!!”

The show host announced through the microphone. Brendan’s eyes grew wide. It was May! She was now a famous singer?! He thought…’how long was I gone?!’ he added in his thoughts…and then he realized what he was thinking…’wait…I was never gone…’ he laughed as he looked at May on the TV. She wore her usual classic bandana and a black tube top with a white miniskirt and tilted black boots that reached her knees. She looked unbelievable…

“What’s up May? Are you working on your new album?”

“Yes…apparently…it just came out in stores this afternoon…they’re now available at any music store…”

“Aah…well, before we start May, wanna give a shout out?”

“Of course I do!!”

“Okay…well…?”

”I wanna say hi to my dad, Professor William Birch, my mom, Caroline Birch and my friend, Wally Pery…and my best friend…Brendan Richards. What’s up Brendan?”

Brendan looked at May who was waving there on the TV…she said his name…and this made him blush…then he thought…’so she wasn’t mad at me after all…’ he smiled. He quickly turned off the TV and rushed to the door. He went outside and locked the door with the same key. He threw an ultra ball in the air releasing a Latios.

“Latios, fly me to Petalburg…it’s an emergency…!!”

“Latios…” (Okay!)

Brendan hopped on Latios’ back and it flew him to Petalburg. Luckily it wasn’t that dark yet…because if it was his mom would kill him for going out in the dark. Even though he was already 17 years old.
They came to a screeching halt in front of a music store. Brendan asked Latios to return to its ball and it obeyed him. Brendan opened the door and a bell rang. Kinda weird but Brendan didn’t have the time. He searched the CD racks for May’s album. Then an old man came and talked to him. He explained that he was the store owner and that he could help him find what he was looking for.

“I’m looking for May Birch’s album, sir.”

“Aah…aren’t you her old companion, Mr. Brendan Richards?”

“Yes…uhm…how did you know?”

“It was in the news.”

“Oh…”

Brendan said dumbfounded as he followed the old man towards a new CD rack with the flag saying: “New Releases.” Then May’s CD was there. Brendan smiled as he took the CD case from the rack and they both went to the counter. Brendan greeted the man good evening and he went outside. He released Latios again and they flew back home just in time.

[hoennshipper]

i know i'm not good...:( heheh...:D here's my 2nd chapter...:XD:

Chapter 2…
Welcome Home…

Brendan’s mom came home that night right after he came home. Then she made dinner, they ate, and Brendan went to bed. Well, actually, Brendan opened his PC and put in May’s CD. Then he saved the songs to his IPod and then he went to bed.

Next day, Brendan woke up and changed his clothes to his “going out” clothes and put his IPod in his pocket. He ran down the stairs at the smell of Pancakes that his mom was making.

“Good morning mom…”

“Morning dear…have a good night?”

“Of course…”

Brendan said as he dug in to the pancake that was on his plate. It was his favorite kind, with the maple syrup and a strawberry in the middle. A slice of butter was at the edge of his plate and a cup of iced chocolate was beside it. The perfect breakfast or something for him…
After he finished his breakfast he greeted his mom good-bye and he went out the door. Something was happening next door. Three tall men in black were surrounding somebody who was by the door. Brendan was surprised at this; since Littleroot wasn’t the exact place you’d find any mess. Especially not by the Birch’s house. So he went closer and looked at the situation. He tapped one man in black on the back and tried talking to him.

“Uhm…excuse my rudeness sir, but…what’s going on here?”

He asked politely. The man gave a cold stare and then he wore his dark shades to make him look like an NBI agent to Brendan. Then the man smiled at him and explained to him that May was home. At his statement Brendan lighted up.

“Really? May’s home? Well that’s great…!”

“Excuse me, but…do you know Ms. Birch, young man?”

“Yes. I’m Brendan Richards.”

Brendan said beaming with pride. The man couldn’t believe his ears. He was talking face to face with the Hoenn champion!

“Aah…! Sorry Mr. Richards. I forgot that you were Brendan Richards. You’re Ms. Birch’s best friend!! How foolish of me!!”

“That’s okay dude…”

Brendan said with his hands on his waist as he patted the man’s head. He was bowing at Brendan. And then the Man stood up straight. He turned around to talk to his fellow bodyguards and Brendan could see their surprised reactions.

“What’s going on?”

There was that voice Brendan loved to hear. That voice he longed to hear. Then the bodyguards turned to talk to May.

“Oh my God!!!”

He could hear May’s angelic voice say surprised. Then the bodyguards backed up a bit so that she could see Brendan. May’s eyes grew wide as she blushed. Brendan was blushing too.

“OMG Brendan!! I thought you wouldn’t be here!! I thought you would be somewhere off in Kanto doing more training!!”

“Don’t be silly May. I wouldn’t go to Kanto without you.”

“You’re so sweet Brendan…aw heck…I missed you like crazy!!”

May said as she hugged Brendan. He felt himself blush and he just drowned into the warm hug. Then he whispered in to May’s ear…

“Welcome home, May…”

said i was fast in updating...tell me if it's good...or just post here and it's fine with me...:D

[hoennshipper]

my next chapter. i took a bit from franticshipping...the manga. i might update until i finally finish the fic...and if people like it i might move it to my account on fanfiction.net...so please tell me what you think of it...:D

Chapter 3…
The many times I trusted you.

“I missed you so much May!! So you’re famous now…eh?”

“Yup…actually I can’t go anywhere without my three trusted bodyguards.”

“Well, I get the fan-guy stuff…I have screaming fan-girls that chase me around when I’m out in public.”

“Tee-hee…well, b-boy…do you know where my parents are?”

“Yeah…your dad’s probably at his lab…and your mom’s probably out at the flower fields getting inspired…”

“Inspired with what?”

“Panting. She got in to it. She even painted me the other day.”

“Cool…my mom probably has a talent for it…”

“Yes…yes she does. Well, let’s go visit your dad first.”

“Okay…”

Brendan led the way to Prof. Birch’s lab. May was following him but he didn’t like the bodyguards following them around. Especially if Brendan wanted to be alone with May. He was thinking of ways on how to get rid of them. But then May opened her mouth and tried to talk.

“Uhm…guys…can I have some alone time with Brendan? Just stuff to get back to and catching up with my old friend…”

“But Ms. Birch---“

“Don’t worry about crazed fans. After all, I have Brendan here and you can trust him. I trusted him with my life once.”

“What do you mean you trusted me with your life?”

“I could never forget…”

“I remember…”

Brendan blushed as he recalled the scene that May was story telling to her body guards. They sat on the grass near a big oak tree right outside of Prof. Birch’s lab.

“What’s the story Ms. Birch?”

“Okay…seriously dudes…I don’t want you to call me Ms. Birch. It’s May. And you can call Brendan…well…plain Brendan.”

“Okay May…now probably these guys want to hear the story…I don’t mind hearing it too…”

“Okay then…it went like this…

It was a wonderful day. The sky was clear and the sun was shining. A typical day of play for me and Brendan. We were still so little…at about the age of 7 or so. We were playing around with a bright red ball and then suddenly something happened…a Salamence came out from nowhere. It picked me up and left Brendan there staring at the Salamence in the sky. I knew then that Brendan inherited his dad’s Pokemon Mastery. Because a weak little Mudkip came crawling over to him. It was maybe…level 5? And he didn’t know what to do. The Salamence was going away fast.
He commanded the Mudkip. Even though it seemed like it didn’t want to follow Brendan…

“Brendaaan!!! Heeelp meee!!!”

“Wait May!!”

Brendan said. Then I don’t know what happened next. I passed out. Next thing I know I was waking up to see Brendan’s face…and…he was…bleeding…and the Salamence was in a Pokeball…in my dad’s hand…”

May explained the story that she didn’t actually complete because she passed out. But Brendan could remember it exactly. The Mudkip he saw was actually Prof. Birch’s and that was his first ever Pokemon. He decided to give it to Brendan on the day he was old enough to become a Pokemon trainer as an exchange for what he did for May. Brendan used the Mudkip to knock the Salamence out of the sky and KO it all the same. He was bleeding because…he was bleeding because the Salamence hit him on the head…he was lucky to be alive…and the words he said when May woke up…

“I’ll always protect you…”

Brendan whispered to himself. He could remember clearly May’s face. The face that was crying for him. He could remember her warmth as she hugged him and gave him his first kiss on the cheek. He could remember the way he blushed like crazy…and the way that May used her handkerchief to wipe the blood off his head…the way that she cured it…even though she was just a little 7 year old…

“And there were more cases that I trusted Brendan with my life. That’s why…you can trust him.”

“Okay then Miss---I mean May…”

“Have a little break. Here in my hometown, it’s really peaceful and quiet. So you can relax easily and just enjoy the day.”

“Thank you May.”

The other body guard said in gratitude. The three were acting all like buddies and they walked away from May and Brendan. They were heading towards a peaceful spot where they could take a short nap and stuff. Just to relax like what May said. They were sure they would enjoy that afternoon of peace and quiet. Unlike May’s concerts that always seemed to turn out as a fan opportunity. An opportunity to go crazy and huddle around the young star.

okay...i can update a lot...in one day...until i finish...but please review...:D

[hoennshipper]

the latest chapter...and i think i'm still not getting any better...:(
nobody's reviewing...

Chapter 4…
Our misunderstandings…Our sweet moments…

Brendan and May walked over to the door of Prof. Birch’s lab. May sighed before they could get into the lab. Brendan looked at her and then opened the door. Tons of Prof. Birch’s workers were going around and they stopped their work when they took sight of May.

“May!! Welcome back!!”

“Thank you all!!”

“See…you’re always missed here in Littleroot, May.”

“That’s nice to know Brendan…”

She said as she shook hands with all of the workers. They weren’t that many. They were just right anyway, so May didn’t have to do much hand-shaking. Then they reached a door which read: “Professor William Birch” and went inside.

“Who is it?”

“D-dad…?”

“May?!”

Prof. Birch said surprised. He spun around to see May and Brendan. He ran over to May and hugged her. Like he had never hugged her before in her life. He was hell happy about seeing his daughter…but wasn’t this overreacting?

“I missed you too dad…”

“Oh…ahem…”

Prof. Birch said as he let go of May. He started acting professional. He looked at May and Brendan who had their eyes locked on him.

“How have you been, May?”

“Dad…I guess you probably heard that we finished the league right?”

“Yes. I got the news from that wild party that was held at Brendan’s house that day.”

“That party was my mom’s idea.”

“It was a great party.”

“Glad you enjoyed it.”

“Whatever…stop talking about parties that I don’t know about.”

“Okay. What else has been going on in your life?”

“I became a famous singer dad…but I want to go to Kanto with Brendan and start on our Kanto League and the Johto League journey.”

“Okay…great!! I got these tickets free from something I bought the other day!! It’s for a ferry. I have no use for it so I’m giving them to you.”

“Cool!!”

They both said at the same time. But they saw the date that the tickets were supposed to be used on. It was in the month of November. And it was still March. May looked at her father with an annoyed look. Prof. Birch sweat dropped as he saw May looking at him like that.

“These tickets are for November dad!!”

“The S.S. Tidal isn’t done yet dear. It’ll still be on November…you’ve got the imperial room on the boat anyway…”

“Then why’d you give it to us now…it’s still March. Maybe you could’ve just given them to us at around October or something.”

“Nah. They might get lost in my paperwork.”

“Good point.”

Brendan said as he took out his wallet and took one ticket from May’s hand and slid it in a pocket in his wallet. He smiled as he saw a picture he put in his wallet a long time ago.

“What’s in that wallet of yours?”

May said as she took the wallet from Brendan. Brendan blushed because he remembered all the pictures he placed in his wallet. Then he was trying to get it back from May. But she refused to give it back to him.

“Hey!! Give it back to me May!!”

Brendan said as May was trying to look at all the pictures in his wallet. Prof. Birch sighed and one of his workers came to call him. They had some meetings that he had to attend.

“I’ll leave you two now. Don’t bother looking for your mom. She’s probably getting in tune and it might not be the time to bother her. We’ll talk later.”

“Bye dad!”

May said. They were in a struggle. Then Brendan took the wallet from May’s hand. She just stopped for a while. Then he placed it in his pocket. May was looking at him with that “you’re so unfair” face. She seemed innocent to Brendan but he didn’t want her to see that all the pictures in his wallet were pictures of May.

“Brendan you’re so unfair!!”

“Uhm…there’s a secret in there between me and myself…!”

“But is that secret too good for you not to share with your best friend…?”

May said that with a sad face that was kinda looking like “I want something” and Brendan noticed. But he tried not looking so that he would resist May’s face. When May noticed him turn around May just turned around too and folded her arms across her chest stubbornly.

“It’s just a dumb photo…”

May said under her breath. Brendan looked at her and smiled. Then she heard a little bit of laughing and she turned around to see what was so funny. Then she saw Brendan smiling at her. She blushed at the fact and tried to look away.

“What’s so funny…?”

She said with a stubborn tone in her voice. Brendan didn’t hesitate to give her a sweet hug. He was laughing and May was blushing. She was blushing hard because it was such a surprise that Brendan would hug her like that. Then he stopped hugging her. She was…confused…

“Why the sudden hug Bread Head?”

“I remember how we used to have fights the same as that last one. And they would always be over after five minutes. I remember we also used to fight over stupid things.”

“Haha…I remember…all of them…”

May laughed. Then the two of them decided to go outside and do some stuff to pass time. May was silently thinking…’I remember all those fights that were cured by small kisses and warm hugs…they were the sweetest moments I have ever had with anyone. I’ll never forget that we used to do those things a lot in our childhood…’

well, that was chapter 4...i actually am still going to update...even if noone's there to review...:(
but i can't let that bring me down!!! :)

[hoennshipper]

here is my latest chapter!! chapter 5!!! in this chap wally will make an entrance!! :D

Chapter 5…
Hey there…Wally?!

May and Brendan were finally outside of the lab. They had nothing else to do. So it was boring. Brendan suggested to go to the next place they would always visit. It was Vendanturf. Brendan sighed as he thought…’today is going to be the day the three of us will finally get together again…’ and he took out a Pokeball that released his flight attendant, Latios. Brendan hopped on its back and he extended his arm out to May. She grabbed it and hopped on Latios. She sat behind Brendan.

Later on, the wind got harder. It got kinda more difficult for them to fly in. but Brendan knew his Pokemon better than anyone. He knew Latios could make it. All of a sudden he could feel May hugging him. He blushed. And May blushed too. Only Brendan didn’t know that she was.

“Uh…M-May?”

“Is it okay to do this Brendan? I…I just want to be safe from falling…that’s all…”

“Yeah. It’s perfectly fine. I mean your bodyguards would kill me if something happened to you.”

May laughed at what Brendan said. And she leaned on his back. Brendan smiled…

“And I’ll never forgive myself if I let something bad happen to you.”

He said to himself as Latios drove them towards the direction of Vendanturf town.
A few miles away, the clouds were clearing up. Brendan could see the rooftops and the buildings in Vendanturf in sight. May smiled as they came in to a peaceful landing on the soft grass of Vendanturf. Brendan got off and brushed himself as he gave his hand to May and she got off as well. They looked at the surroundings and a house caught May’s attention.

“This is…”

“Yup. It’s Wally’s place.”

“Oh…!”

May said in joy. She could remember the times the three of them got in trouble and always found a way to get out. Brendan would always be the leader and Wally would follow them both around fighting. May put on a content smile and marveled at the house. She could remember all the times Brendan and Wally kept on fighting about a reason she still couldn’t get.
After May marveled at the house, she and Brendan went over to the door and knocked on it. They could hear Wally’s voice asking who it was and they could hear his footsteps approaching. The doorknob turned and it finally opened to reveal Wally.

“May?!...Brendan?!”

He said awfully shocked and surprised to see his old friends. They had a short group hug and they looked at each other happily.

“OMG…we’re back together again!!”

“How’re ya Wally ol’ buddy?”

“Been fine Brendan!!”

Wally greeted as he escorted the both of them into the house. They were reunited again. They were acting like they haven’t seen each other for ages…when in fact, it was actually just about half a year.

isn't it great to reunite...? LOL...please review!!! i'm doing this all to sudden...sorry...! :D

[hoennshipper]

here's my next chappy. there's some japanese here that i'm not sure what it means...LOL...i just copied little bits from japanese songs and their english translations to make up may's song. please review! :^^:

Chapter 6…
May’s Song.

It was getting boring just sitting on the couch acting like how they were before. Unlike most friends who would overreact to reuniting and stuff. These friends were different. They were all famous. Wally was a famous Pokemon Coordinator now.
It was getting really boring, so May decided to sing her favorite song. The song she loved so much. The song she made for someone very special.

“Madobe ni hitori hoodzuesuite
Tomani ame wo jitto shite’ru ka na
Hiroiatsumeru kioku wa takaramono
Kyun to shichau
A fushigi da ne
Omoidasu dake de
Yasashiku nareru

I guess I miss you…and I long for you…
But I turn around to see you’re not there…

Kokoro tukaso yo

And when we will finally get together again…
I can say…

Watashi dake no puranetariumu ni ne

And then I could think to myself again…

Ah suteki da ne?

I can always count on you.
I can always trust you.
When I’m around you…

Donna toki datte
Soba ne iru mitai
Kanashii namida ni
Hiza wo kakaete nemurenai yoru demo

And I feel like…

Maiorite kuru hoshizora no you da ne

But then…
I’m sorry.
I can’t tell you right now.
But I’m sure.
I’ll have the courage to tell you.
No matter what.

You make me strong don’t you?
And…

Nee doushite
Sugoku ai shiteru hito ni
Ai shiteru to iu dake de

I can’t…
But someday…
I’ll gather up my courage…
And I will do it…
I will tell you…

Omoide ni natte mo…

I love you…I love you…”

“That’s a great song, May.”

“You think? It’s dedicated to the guy I like…or maybe even love.”

“And who exactly is this guy?”

Brendan said acting upon the words in the song and the words that came out from May’s mouth. He swore that if he knew who that guy is, he would have killed the guy by now.

“I can’t tell…it’s a secret between me and myself…”

May smirked as she repeated the exact words that came out from Brendan’s mouth earlier. Brendan clenched his teeth and rolled his hand up in a fist. But he was trying to hide it from May and Wally.

“…But Brendan…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sure you know. You know him. Better than anyone else would.”

“What?”

“I’m 100% sure Brendan.”

At what May said he started thinking deeply…holding his face up with his hand. Wally laughed a little and May couldn’t get them both. She laid back and she sighed.

“Guys.”

She said under her breath.

well, if ever you know what does japanese words mean...tell me if i got them right...if they correspond to the song...:)

[hoennshipper]

i am going to appear in this chapter. actually, i'm already the narrator...but i, as the narrator would say a corny joke in this chapter!!! :XD:

Chapter 7…
My light in the dark.

“So May…what’s the title of that song you just sung anyway?”

“The title is obvious. It’s “I love you” made for that particular person…”

“Who is he anyway?!”

“I told you…it’s a secret. But I gave a clue that you knew him…!”

“Never mind. I’ll stop thinking of the topic. When I guess his name anyways, you wouldn’t reveal who he is.”

“Good guess B-boy!”

May smiled. They looked out the window to see it was getting dark. Then Brendan remembered May’s bodyguards that could kill him if something bad happened to May. ‘Man, those bodyguards are more protective than May’s parents would ever be…’ he thought as they said good bye to Wally and did the same thing as before. They hopped up on Latios and flew back to Littleroot town. But it was really dark. It was hard for Latios to see the way.

“H-hey Brendan…what if we get lost here?”

“I don’t know, May. But I’m pretty sure that Latios has a good sense of direction. So it’s highly unlikely.”

Brendan said but he couldn’t see that Latios was actually Lostios!! Get it? Cause it’s a Latios…and it’s lost…
May: Corny!!
Okay…fine…the dumb Latios was lost and it didn’t know where to go in the darkness.
Brendan: My Latios is so not dumb!
Whatever.

“Latios…” (Uh-oh)

“What do you mean uh-oh?”

“Lat…ios…Latios…” (We’re lost.)

“God…and I didn’t bring Absol this time to flash…and even if I did bring Absol, how would she use flash? On my lap?”

“Lat…” (Sorry.)

“Don’t you worry Brendan.”

“Whaaat??? Why should I not worry?!”

“I have my Breloom with me. And she’s so much lighter than Absol.”

“But do you think Latios could carry her and us?”

“Latios is a tough Pokemon. Right, Latios?”

“Laat…ios Latios!!!” (Yes! I can handle it Brendan!!)

“Whatever you say Latios…if you insist on doing this.”

Latios squealed happily and it stopped in mid-air. May clicked her Pokeball by touching it a bit and Breloom came out. May was lifting it on her lap. She was surprised at how light Breloom was.

“What happened Breloom? You’re as light as a Delcatty.”

“Bre…Breloom…loom” (I took a little diet.)

“I didn’t even know Pokemon took diets…maybe I could get Absol to take a diet…”

Brendan thought as May instructed Breloom to sit in front of Brendan and use flash. Breloom, moving quickly, went to the destined seat and it shone a bright light from out of nowhere. But it was surely from Breloom. Soon, they could all see where they were going.

“Good job Breloom!”

“Bre!!” (Alright!!)

Breloom said as she tried to look at May. But then Latios couldn’t see the way again. So she had to look back in front. May smiled as Latios tried flying faster. The dark was soon getting…uh…thicker? Or something like that. So she held on tight to Brendan again. He blushed a bright red.

“Aren’t you glad we got a light here in the dark, B-boy?”

May smiled as she closed her eyes and she hugged Brendan sweetly. Brendan felt good about the hug and he really got in to it.

“You’re my light when I was in the dark, May…”

He whispered. So that May couldn’t hear. But he remembered the first time he had ever set his eyes on the beautiful May Birch. He remembered the way she was the first person ever to be his friend.

>>>flashback<<<

A young boy sat on the grass in front of his new home. He had just moved in and he didn’t like it. He had no friends, or playmates. It was the afternoon. A pretty beautiful day, but it would be ruined by his frown.
Suddenly a pretty little girl came into his view. She was smiling very sweetly at him and this made him blush a little. Then the girl walked over to him and tried to introduce herself to him.

“Hello.”

“h-hi…”

“I’m May Birch. Who are you?”

“I-I’m B-Brendan…r-Richards…”

“Are you our new neighbors, Brendan?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Oh. Wanna be friends with me?”

“Yeah!! But…don’t you have any other friends?”

“Uhm…no…I’m always alone…it’s like nobody ever wants to be friends with me…”

“Oh.”

The little boy said as he stood up and shook hands with the girl. He felt himself blush as he touched her soft hand. He tried to ignore it and they had a few time to play together. But that few time was the best for little Brendan. It was the first time that he had ever fallen in love with a girl.
He started thinking…’I was in the dark…but she came to bring light to me…she’s my light in the dark.’ He thought as they carried on playing until their moms called them in for dinner.

>>>end flashback<<<

sorry bout that flashback!! in every fanfic that i've ever read, there was flashbacking...well, anyway, please review!! :o

[hoennshipper]

my next chapter isn't out yet. as soon as i get the chapter finished i'll post it here. the chapter's title is "May's decision" and i would skip a few months there, but you'll obviously get the point of skipping those months.
i just hope that somebody reviews. thanks if you do. i'll be posting as soon as i finish my next chapter.

[Scary Fan Girl]

... Whoa. Whoa. Dude you're going too fast. SEVEN chapters in a day? Why don't you wait at least a few days between chapters? I mean just to get some reviews... because seriously, I doubt anyone wants to catch up if you're posting seven chapters a day, it's just too much.

Second, your chapters are too short, with two/three of your chapter you get a decent length chapter.

...I'll try to read it later, but right now I'm trying to get my stuff back from the harddisk crash I had two days ago.

[Hanako Tabris]

I have some time on my hands to review.

Firstly, it's bad to post seven chapters in one day. It doesn't give any readers a chance to start reading. Here, where's there not much activity, people might not be on when you are. You can't expect someone to review so quickly when you only give them two minutes to read a chapter before you post the second one.

Your title is a bad one to go with. "Hoennshipping Fanfic" tells me nothing other than the fact that the fic is about Hoennshipping. It doesn't create intrigue or captures the reader's eye, unless they were a Hoennshipper. I would suggest coming up with a more creative title.

You need to have a more coherent narration to the story. Just coming in randomly as the author in the middle of a chapter is bad, and isn't done except in fics written for comedy. I would take it that your fic is more for romance than comedy. So that little joke about "Lostios" was unneeded and interrupted what should have been a dramatic time. There were also moments where I got lost in the story, and had to go back and reread a few times what happened, and then sort it out in my mind. Making your readers confused on something that they shouldn't be confused on is bad.

A remedy to fix this problem would be to describe. I know nothing about the characters or the setting. If I had never played Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, then I wouldn't know who Brendan or May were. You should slow down in the plot and describe more. It could actually lend more of a mood for your story. When the two are lost in the foggy darkness, you could have described the darkness in someway that the reader themselves get scared.

Another thing you can describe is the character's feelings. Brendan doesn't come off as much of a human for me. I don't get why he's so in love with May, aside from the fact that she is his first friend. What makes her so special that he would wait so many years to be with her? Just because your fic is a shipping fic doesn't mean that you can just throw the two characters together and call them a romantic couple. Show me why you think they work together as a couple, and I'll believe it.

As for grammar, you have a few little odd things. When you have dialogue, you can easily put the dialogue tag in the same sentence. Such as:

“Guys.”

She said under her breath.

This could easily be written as:

"Guys," she said underneath her breath.

Chapter Six was the chapter that just kind of threw things off for me. I don't think that you really needed to have Wally there if he was only mentioned a few times and never again. He wasn't even really needed in the story (so far as I can see. Maybe you have some need for him that hasn't been revealed yet), as you didn't need him to have May burst into song. She could have easily done that without Wally there.

Plus, you should know the translation for the song, at least in my opinion. Seeing as how you threw random Japanese phrases together with English ones, who knows what you could be saying. Don't think that just having a foreign language song in your fanfic will win you points with the readers, especially if you don't know what the song means.

Well, there's a review. It might not be as positive as you would like it to be, but it is helpful.

[hoennshipper]

okay!!! :D thanks for the tips!!! i'm not used to the whole fanfic writing thing. my fanfiction.net account's still empty...:) well, thanks anyway!!! thanks for your help!!! :D

[hoennshipper]

uhh...since this fanfic is of no success...i kinda plan to start a new one and maybe leave this...kinda...you know...to start a new one and use the tips given to me by Hanako Tabris and Scary Fan Girl...that's all...well...maybe...i always plan to continue this...but i'd like to start a new one so that i could apply the tips they gave me.