A New Hoenn Adventure.

[SBJ95]

Disclaimer: As much as I would like to, I don't own Pokémon.
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--Chapter 1--


In a small town in Hoenn called Kieat Town, a Mudkip jumped up on a rather large bed and squirted a boy who was no more than 12 years old.


“Mudkip, not AGAIN!” I said. My name is Brasken.


“Brasken, you don't want to be late for school again!” said my mom.


I went to dry myself off, and told myself that I'd just finish this school year and then I'd set out again on my journey. Right now, my party consisted of: Mudkip, Tropius, Kirlia, a Poochyena that should evolve any day now, Minun, and my newly caught Fuwante.


Before I go any farther, I should describe myself. I am about 5 feet tall, have dirty blond hair, bluish-green eyes, and I always have a green and black pack hanging over my shoulder.


Anyway, I got up as usual, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, put my clothes on, which were red pants with a black and white stripe down the outside of my legs, and a pure black shirt, which merely said Don't bother me, or my Mudkip will bother you. I then put on my belt of Pokéballs, recalled Mudkip and did my hair in its customary spikes.


As soon as I got outside, I let out Tropius, got on his back, and flew to my school. Once there, I recalled him, went inside, and waited in the commons with my friends. Finally, the bell rang and I was off to Advanced Placement Pokémon health. After that I had a bit of Pre-Algebra, then some lunch, where it got noisy with hundreds of Pokémon yelling amongst themselves like always. After that, I had Computer Technology, followed by Crafting. In Crafting, we learn everything from making Pokéballs to making Potions.


After school, my friend Dalts and I went to the field across from his house and played some Pokégre. Pokégre is a game where you have a Pokémon blast a ball up into the air. Similar to baseball, the other person has to get it and tag you, while you run around a field, trying to touch your Pokémon again.


It was my turn. My Mudkip blasted the ball far into the air. When it came down, I looked and saw my crush, Tessa, saying “I've got it, I've got it!”


*THUNK*


It hit her right in the head, knocking her out cold.
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Well, what do you think? It's my first Pokémon FanFic, so I'm excited to hear opinions. It'll get more interesting.

Oh, and the name of the town the narrator (who is similar to me) lives in, is pronounced KEE-i-ate' .

[Mews_Best_Friend]

I loved it! 10/10!

It was my turn. My Mudkip blasted the ball far into the air. When it came down, I looked and saw my crush, Tessa, saying “I've got it, I've got it!”

^That was my favorite line.

[Arielle]

Excuse me if the review turns out bad; it's been ages since I've actually reviewed anything, you see. ^^;; I figured it'd be fun to do it again~
And I couldn't tell you how original the storyline is, since I don't read around. Sorry. ^^;

On the good side... the plot! =D Personally, I think it's interesting. Pokémon School sounds fun to me, a good combination of school in real life with a Pokémon twist~ Like I said, I can't tell how how original or how overdone it is, but it's good nonetheless. ^^ I like Pokégre as well.
And the *THUNK* was pretty cool, I thought. XD;

Now... for the critique. XD;
It's quite short. It can be so much longer if you added some description to it. You know... describe what the school is like, your classes, the people, how you get everywhere, ect. It'll make it a more enjoyable read.

Grammatically, this paragraph bothered me.
Anyway, I got up as usual, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, put my clothes on, which were red pants with a black and white stripe down the outside of my legs, and a pure black shirt, which merely said Don't bother me, or my Mudkip will bother you. I then put on my belt of Pokéballs, recalled Mudkip and did my hair in its customary spikes.

Well, in addition to the description... The first sentence is awkward once you describe your clothes. I... want to call it a run-on, but I think it would be the incorrect grammatical term for it. XD;

In my opinion, it'd be a little bit better this way. Changes in bold, with the exception of the bold line already in there.

Anyway, I got up as usual, ate breakfast, and brushed my teeth. I put my clothes on, which were red pants with a black and white stripe down the outside of my legs, and a pure black shirt, which merely said Don't bother me, or my Mudkip will bother you.

In the second sentence, "I did my hair" sounds quite odd. "Styled" would be a more specific, and better in word choice.

In conclusion, keep going~ I'm interested to see what happens next.

[SBJ95]

Thanks for the reviews! Arielle, the reason I didn't descibe Pokemon School is because it isn't very important later on...(Hence the name 'A New Hoenn Adventure', because school is never an adventure. Even on nature hikes. Just for you, though, I'll make sure Pokegre returns. Yeah, the chapters don't get longer until Chapter 3, which I'm still working on.

Anyway, here's chappy 2.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Pokemon. I know it's sad!:cry:
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It's at these times that I wish I carried a human first aid kit in my pack. Hey, I wonder if one of my burn heals will stop the swelling? There's only one way to find out.


Five minutes later, she woke up, stood up, looked at my Mudkip funny, and ran away.


A few months later, when school was finally out, I packed for my journey in Hoenn. When I was heading there, Dalts and Tessa came running, wondering where I was going. I told them. They said that they'd never been on a journey before, and wanted to come. I told them that I was leaving in one hour. I'd never seen anybody run so fast before.


Kieat Town is southeast of Littleroot Town. It is smaller than Littleroot, too.


Dalts has dark brown hair, is about 5' 7”, has blue eyes, and is a lady's man. His pack is the customary tan one-strap backpack. Tessa has light brown hair, hazel eyes, is about 5' 2”, and wears the customary tan shoulder pack.


When I was just about to leave, they came running. Dalts had his Linoone running fast behind him. Tessa's Snorunt was riding on her shoulder.


“Cmon, let's go!” I said.


We then set off for Littleroot Town, where Tessa and Dalts could get a Pokémon from Professor Birch, as this is their first journey. I already had my Mudkip, although maybe I'd see a Pokémon that I wanted.


We decided to stop and camp out at sundown. We were (according to my Pokétch), about halfway there. We pitched our tents, and Dalts cooked us some delicious beef stew. After that we all fell asleep around the fire.


About 1:00 in the morning, I was woken up by this horrible rumbling noise. I opened my eyes...to a herd of Tauros running right towards us. I had to think fast. There was no way Dalts or Tessa could do anything. I just grabbed one of the Pokéballs on my belt, and threw it. It was Kirlia.


“Kirlia, use Light Screen, NOW!” I said.


The stampede kept running towards us. My friends just woke with a shriek, which angered the Tauros even more. Our lives were up to Kirlia.
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Please R&R!